The process of grief and loss is oftentimes an isolating one and a difficult period of transition in many people’s lives. While we know the experience of loss to be universal, it can be difficult to process through with its many duplicities and uniquely personal nature.
That is, grief can be equal parts about living as it is about dying; and the experience of losing a loved one is both shared and deeply personal. Most importantly: no experience of loss is the same, and there is no timeline or “correct” way to grieve.
Meeting with a trusted therapist to work through these fluctuating and complicated feelings with can be transformative in decreasing feelings of isolation and emotional numbness in the grieving process.
Processing through loss does not have to be done alone. We are here to support you.
Therapy can act as an opportunity to talk through the many facets of emotions, internal conflicts, and emerging personal narratives that come up through grief processing
In grief and bereavement therapy, this collaborative exploration and its associated therapeutic techniques are referred to as meaning making.
Grief Definitions
Grief and bereavement therapy supports individuals through the processing of loss in all its forms. This might include but is not limited to: loss of a home, loss of friendship, loss through life transitions, and loss through death.
Below are some important definitions to consider:
Bereavement: to be “bereaved” is to be in a state of loss. Bereavement is not specific to loss through death, but is most often related to experiencing loss through death.
Grief: Grief is defined as the reaction to your loss and is experienced internally. Grief can manifest itself in a multitude of somatic, behavioral and/or spiritual ways.
Some examples include:
Somatic: headaches, stomach aches, muscle aches, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and loss of appetite
Behavioral: risk-taking behavior, any maladaptive behavior (i.e. substance abuse, social disengagement, playing video games all day, etc.), difficulty with concentration, brain fog, and memory loss
Spiritual: some individuals notice a change in their connection to spirituality through grief. This may be an increased connection or decreased connection.
Mourning: Mourning is a public expression of grief and is considered interpersonal, meaning it is expressed relationally rather than internally. Mourning and grieving are often used interchangeably.
It is important to note that experiences of grief and mourning can look different cross-culturally.
No one experience of grief or mourning is “correct.” Ceremonies around grief and mourning are deeply connected cultural meanings around life and death.
Modern Therapy Group clinicians aim to create a safe and inclusive therapeutic environment in which there is an ongoing commitment to cultural competency in approach.
Types of Guilt:
Causation Guilt: feeling that you caused something negative to happen.
Moral Guilt: feeling you are being punished in some way.
Role Guilt: feeling someone was not a good enough sister, husband, aunt, etc. An example might be feelings of guilt over estrangement with the deceased person.
Survivor Guilt: “I survived, and they didn’t.”
Grief Guilt: “Feelings of guilt that you’re not grieving “correctly” or “properly.”
Recovery Guilt: Related to grief guilt; feelings of guilt over processing grief and feeling ‘okay.’
Meaning making: the therapeutic process of making meaning from loss. This can look like:
Using insights in the grieving process to build on future goals and direction
Processing through the moment of death in therapy
Exploring the various aspects of the loss: both emotionally and in everyday functioning
Honoring your loved one in ways which are personally meaningful to you
Writing a letter to the person you have lost
5 Stages of Grief (Kubler-Ross, 1969)
The 5 Stages of Grief was developed by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross through her work with terminally ill patients in the 1960’s. Since publishing her findings, the “5 Stages of Grief” have become popularized in everyday discourse and commonly held understandings of grief processing.
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Acceptance
Working with a trained therapist can be helpful when feeling stuck in a specific stage.
Having a safe space to grieve without judgment and to verbalize memories of your loved one can be transformative in helping the grieving person make sense of their loss.
Despite the model’s usefulness as a communicative and therapeutic tool, it is important to remember that the stages are simply a tool.
That is, it should be seen as a model from which to build conversation and understanding. Not as rigid rules or defining “correct” ways to grieve.
These stages do not necessarily occur in order; nor are all stages experienced by everyone and/or for the same amount of time.
At Modern Therapy Group, our therapists will assist you in navigating the grief process while simultaneously honoring your loss in ways which feel most meaningful to you.